Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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