wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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