Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
