Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
