I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
