My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
