He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
