Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
