my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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