Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
