walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
