im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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