on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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