I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
