Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
