Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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