the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
