Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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