I think I won the penis lottery.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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