Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
