I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
