Dual....:-)
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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