Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
