Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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