But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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