wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
