Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
