we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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