the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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