I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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