Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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