dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
