So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
