So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
