biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she told me i tasted like america
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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