I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
