I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Alive.
So much puke
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
