Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
