Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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