they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
