So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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