Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and she was petting her beer can
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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