so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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