It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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