Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
