it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
