Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
