I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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