My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
