I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
