I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
