he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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