what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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