I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize