I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
