New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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