Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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