i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
