I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
