there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize