Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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