Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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