; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
