so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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