she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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