Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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