If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
